The Curse of the Foodie

Dear diary, I’ve been cursed.

It seems that I’m suddenly compelled to take pictures of my food before eating it.

I know. I know. It’s shocking and strange. But, it’s true. Even worse, it seems I also compulsorily check out other pictures that people take of their food. Scrolling through countless internet searches. Watching food challenges, drunk kitchens, and professional speed eaters who swallow cakes like they’re voids. And those pictures, the drizzled chocolate. The gleam of buttercream. There’s just something about melted cheese or burnt sugar that makes me go…


I do not know whether or not the scientists will try to take me away for this curse. I see the word “trends” and automatically associate it with food instead of fashion. Rainbow. Unicorn. Glitter. Slime. Charcoal. Rolled.

I find myself plating things, you know, cooking food and going to extraordinarily frivolous lengths to make it all look incredibly fancy. Going outside to get shiny pebbles to put around the plate. Cutting up pieces of fruit and vegetables that I have no intention of eating. Drizzling honey on a dessert that gets too sticky to actually scrape off the plate.

I have found a term for this strange, accursed food worship.

A… “foodie”.

Send help, should anyone understand why I feel so compelled to take pictures of food before eating it. Do I believe, somehow, that I will not have truly TASTED the food until I have taken a picture of it? Is there some part of me that must take the picture in honor of the great food demon that has made such an unholy yet delicious creation?

Sincerely yours,

That One Person Who Spams Your Feed With Countless Food Pictures and Makes You Consider Fast Food Runs at Witching Hours

Currently: ME.

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