Sometimes, I Just Don’t Want to Write

Every week, I force myself to write a blog post for Tumblr by Monday night. Then, I need to send in 2-3 articles for my digital media magazine by Saturday. THEN, I need to update a 1,500 word chapter for Wattpad by Friday.

Sometimes, like this week, I end up postponing to Tuesday instead of Sunday night. Sometimes, I drop the ball.

Sometimes, I stare at a blank screen, and instead of writing…

I open up a tab on the internet and fall down a YouTube hole.

Sometimes, I get sick. Sometimes, I struggle with exams week. Sometimes, I even get a depressive episode and don’t want to get out of bed.

Sometimes, yes, I’ll say it. I don’t WANT to write.

But I have to.

There’s no easy fix to it. Sometimes, life gets in the way. Sometimes, I start to dread that writing won’t be fun anymore, that it’ll feel like a chore.

To tell you the truth, I didn’t even want to write this blog article. But the thing about doing something is that it always seems worse in your head.

For example, I always had an overactive imagination as a kid. I imagined getting a flu shot was akin to getting a surgical procedure. At age 8, I clung onto a chair and threw it across the room in defiance of getting a flu shot.

The flu shot didn’t hurt.

It’s the same with writing. My mind will build up writing into this Herculean task. Then, I’ll start. I’ll forget why I found it so bad. I’ll even, at times, have fun.

Perhaps it’s my bad case of hyper-focus, but writing always seems worse for me in my brain than it does in reality. Once I start, I get taken away by my imagination. I explore new worlds. I enter other people’s minds and become a warrior, a magic-wielder, or even a villain.

Sometimes, I write articles like this. I just become ME, everything that is ME. My flaws. My strengths. My seemingly impossible quest to loving myself.

And that’s okay.

Sometimes, I don’t want to write. Words struggle to come out of me. It’s a battle. It’s a damn wrestling match between me and Goliath. It’s just as much a myth that words come easily for anybody.

And that’s okay.